I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
