plz talk dirty to me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
