I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
