He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
