im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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