I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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