apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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