If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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