that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
