Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
