i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
