did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize