I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you would pick up someone in the library
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I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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