i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
