There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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