dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
