He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You may now shotgun with the bride
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
