You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
