Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
