I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
