If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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