I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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