I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
