dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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