i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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