Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
