I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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