maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
