Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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