Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize