Soap is not a condiment
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
