when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
