it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
