Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
