OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
