Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
