Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
