The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So many bounce houses so little time
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize