How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
