birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
