i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
