There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
