Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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