What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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