See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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