What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
