What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
