Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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