You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
