I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Farmville is her only friend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
