He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
