I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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