i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
