Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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