Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
