He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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