You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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