When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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