no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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