new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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