just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
