i already hear my dad disowning me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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