you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
