So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
