That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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