Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
