Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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