final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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