Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
