For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
