I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
