Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
