I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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