How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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