So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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