I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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