Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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