seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
