He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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