Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
