Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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