this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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