someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
