bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Watching her eat just hurts me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
