You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
